(A Troubled Pastor’s Haunted Meditation)

I want to be liked. Don’t you? I think everyone does, it is how God hardwired us. There are very few people in this world that don’t care about how they are perceived or are thought about. Often, these non-feelers are considered callous and cold-hearted, the proverbial narcissist.

So naturally when you learn that people you once cared for, worked with, walked with, no longer respect or admire you, it hurts. I mean it really hurts! Psalm 41:9 writes about this crushing soul-pain that is modeled in Judas’ betrayal of Christ, “Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.” 

How does this happen? What causes someone who once considered you as a genuine friend now sees you as a villain? 

It is strange to be thought of as evil. It haunts you.

I have thought much about this over the years because this issue cuts deep into the heart of a pastor. After hearing how some people whisper malicious and quite damning thoughts about me, I will slip into deep meditation and wonder “Why?” I have come to three conclusions, I call them the three sure paths to attaining villain-hood.

Path One: When You Don’t Give People What They Want – You Become the Villain. 

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said something very interesting, “People want only two things out of life: security and significance.” If people perceive you as the one who wields the keys to these two priceless treasures, they will hold it against you if they feel you are holding back from them. You become the roadblock, the villain.

This is why politics matters so much to the average man or woman, it’s all about security. People elect those they think will help them gain access to the government’s vast vaults of stolen treasure. If your party wins, you hope they will reward you for voting them into power. Rewards come in the form of personal benefits, tax breaks, and even free stuff. If your party loses, the other team quickly  becomes your enemy if you think they are going to withhold from you what you believe is rightly yours. Politics is a dirty game of greed for so many, sadly for most of us, and that is why so much irrational hate prevails.

And then there is the question of significance. That is where the church comes in. Many believe access to recognition, honor, and glory is within the hands of the pastor, for he is God’s agent on earth to bestow grace. So it is up to him to recognize an individual’s goodness, righteousness, and even leadership talent. The way it works is that the people who want recognition from God will come to the pastor to be given an opportunity or a chance to gain significance. Significance often comes in the office of teacher, singer, or through an important title of leadership. People want to matter.

“I know I am a gifted speaker, so pastor, give me a chance to preach.” “God made me a good singer, so pastor, let me have a chance to sing my special music.” “I discern that I am smarter than most, so I need an opportunity to lead a class, or be in charge to make decisions over the many to bestow my gifts. I know God wants me to.” 

If a pastor, elder or person with authority does not allow the person to have his or her “moment of significance”, the one saying “no” quickly becomes the perceived hindrance to that person’s happiness. They have denied God’s will; because after all, God made the person special. As a pastor, I know that if I question someone’s giftings, or if I dare say “no”, some people think I am nothing more than a tyrannical leader driven by power and need for control. Like a giant spider, the poor peasants under me are at my mercy as they try to escape the peril of my sticky web.

I cannot count the number of people who have blamed me for their dissatisfaction with the church, I am the one who did not let them exercise their right to their giftings. I have stolen their chance for significance, I am the villain.

Path Two: When You Don’t Think or Believe Things the Way People Think You Should Think or Believe Things – You Become the Villain.

One of the most important jobs of a pastor is proclaiming truth. Precision with words and ideas matter. Definitions matter.  And more importantly, how you teach doctrine matters. You are not allowed to get sloppy with theology, ethics, and even personal responsibility. That is why James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” Paul even says to the young pastor Timothy, “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Tim. 4:12) Wow, that is pretty serious.

I was thinking about this from an eternal perspective. When I get to heaven, one of the things I think God may ask me if I am not teaching true truth is, “Chris, who gave you permission to say that? Because I sure didn’t.” Why does that matter? Because Jesus says, “There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; the very words I have spoken will condemn them at the last day. For I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded me to say all that I have spoken.” (John 12:48-49) Jesus is saying that what he says is what people will be judged by. And I have no right to give different directives.

So let’s be a little more specific. When it comes to certain topics, like homosexuality, premarital sex, looking at pornography, God has spoken, and I know he has spoken clearly. The problem with this, is that what he has said when he has spoken is not accepted by a large majority of people in our culture. Often the majority thinks that God’s take on sin is too harsh, as they say, “He lacks compassion.” I used to be one of them that thought this way. I was a nice guy, I wanted to be liked, so I often went along with the crowd so they wouldn’t turn on me. It is safer to be quiet than to be cast as a villain.

But then I asked myself, “Chris,  who am I beholden to? God or the majority voice?”

I have chosen to be beholden to God because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am accountable to what he said. So now, when I teach God’s opinion over the majority’s opinion I am ready to be cast as the villain. Over the years I have been called judgmental, arrogant, mean, unsympathetic, a hater. Just think, little ol’ me a hater? That is why I think Jesus warned all followers of him, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” (John 15:18) Hatred arises when a person won’t budge. But that is the way it has always been.

Listen to Jeremiah 15:19-20:

“If you utter worthy, not worthless, words,

    you will be my spokesman.

Let this people turn to you,

    but you must not turn to them.

I will make you a wall to this people,

    a fortified wall of bronze;

they will fight against you

    but will not overcome you,

for I am with you

    to rescue and save you,”

Path Three: When You Know Things People Don’t Want You to Know – You Become the Villain.

There is a saying that I never quite understood until I became a pastor, it is this: “Ignorance is Bliss!” This means the less a person knows the more peace a person will have. And the more a person knows, the more responsible that person has become. Information makes you responsible. And that is not always fun.

We live in a world full of liars, which includes you and me. The problem with lies is that they will find you out (Num. 32:23). And when lies eventually find a person out, the person will run to the pastor to help them get right with God. But here is where it gets tricky. 

To get out of the sin, to find forgiveness and restoration, the person must confess their sin. Well, that means the pastor now knows. And then after the person leaves your office, they know you know, and over time they will often feel ashamed that you know. 

But it gets worse.

What if the person who wanted forgiveness was only seeking quick absolution without repentance? That person will often fall back into a pattern of sin, but when they see you they will feel guilty. Since they know you know they must distance themselves, and to do that they must paint you as the villain.

A pastor’s job is to always forgive and forget. But for those who were caught in the lies and don’t want to change, they never forget. So it gets worse. 

Sometimes to make sure others forget they have to slander the messenger. It helps them downplay the guilt. So if the messenger is perceived by others as the bad guy then what they know is no longer considered reliable because the pastor is no longer considered reliable. If a guilt ridden person can cast doubt on the pastor first, they become the true villain.  And then it become easy to convince other people to stop following or listening to the villain. 

I often wondered why the Pharisees said that Jesus drove out the devil because he was possessed by the devil. I am convinced it was precisely because Jesus made them feel guilty about their lack of authority and power. To hide their failure they slandered Jesus’ goodness. Even Paul had Stephen stoned because he knew that Stephen knew God. Saints are villains to sinners.

Conclusion

So what is my point in this? Is it that I want to be liked? Sure. Am I trying to defend my innocence? No, because I have failed is so many ways. But I know I am not a villain. When all is said and done, I am hoping that some of the people who slander my motives will see that I am a guy grabbed by God, and he asked me to tell the truth. Honestly, I just want to serve God.

But the more I think about it, I realized that the issue runs deeper than that. I want people to see that God has real standards and blaming “the messenger” won’t relieve the guilt. I am hoping people will stop looking for villains, and realize, we all have “sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”