When you are stuck in your house for a month, there is plenty of time to stare in the mirror and ask, “Who am I? Why am I here? What makes me tick?” It is a perfect time to pick up the lost art of navel-gazing.

Well, there is a cool new thing out there, well at least it has been for the last 10 years even though they say it is over 50 years old (and it is even said to be 1,000 years old). It is called the enneagram, sounds kinda weird, but it is the new Christian craze. I have been asked to take it several times, but it looks rather creepy, like some strange new horoscope to figure out my stars. I am told it is not that bad and that it is rather helpful, even Richard Rohrer the Hindu sounding Catholic priest loves it. But for me, there has a strange magical air to it. Like a dowsing rod, some old farmer would use to find water on his land.

But before I go to some new personality test, I have to be honest with you, I still am working on a few other personal identifiers to figure myself out.  For instance, I am the youngest child of six children. I am told that the youngest children are the clowns and attention seekers. But I also have been told through an internet test that I have a shy side so I hate attention. I have a German mom and a Polish/Italian father. That means I am not emotional but I get emotional when mad. But I am strongly right-handed, which means I think logically but have an artistic bent which means I also think intuitively.

So let’s see, so far I am a non-emotional emoter who thinks with his head and acts with his heart but I like attention but hate it at the same time.

I also was raised in Northern Ohio and lived most of my life in Michigan which means I have tough skin and a matter-of-fact approach to life because I live in cold weather, but my grandfather and cousins are from Alabama and Loiusinna so I have some southern sensibilities and get tan quick. I also am an evangelical Bible believer that is grounded in textual understanding which means I perceive the world literally, but for 23 years I was raised in a Roman Catholic liturgical church that relished on the mystical and beautiful, so I am both conservative and logical but romantic and sensitive.

Now it gets complicated.

I also have taken personality tests that say I am an ENFP that is outgoing and likes social networking, but I also took a character test from Winnie-the-Pooh that says I am like the Owl who is an introvert and is standoffish. I recently took Harry Potter test and I am a Hufflepuff who is patient, fair, hard-working and blandly nice but I also took a Divergent test that says I am a Dauntless which says I am harsh and impulsive. I am really confused.

But my culture says I have some real socializing problems as I try to fit in with the world.

I am a man, a testosterone-driven monster. I am white, a privileged exclusionist. And I am college-educated, which means I don’t have compassion for the working class. So, I am the oppressor, a first-class hater. After learning about this, I am not sure I like myself. My sisters say I am spoiled, my brother says I am the favorite. My mom calls me her itty bitty buddy, my dad often called me a Honyak. See why I am so confused.

I also am a male pastor which puts me into the category of the Patriarchy which has kept women down. I am a dad of two daughters who want women to succeed. I am a brother of three older sisters who have told me what to do most of my life. So I am not sure where I stand with women? And to top it all off I am Christian who is called to be humble, so that means I like to be walked all over.

Who am I? I have no idea.

Well, the Bible has a lot to say on this point, but to boil it all down I am not my own, I am bought with a price. I am a servant. Jesus wants me to be done trying to figure out me. Because in myself I am crazy, all over the place, and the more I learn about me the more I know I am a broken piece of pottery (1 Corinthians 4:7). So here is what he asks me to do daily, “Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow.” Paul says, “I am crucified (dead) in Christ, nevertheless I live, but not I, Christ lives in me and this life I live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.”

So do I need to figure out the enneagram? I don’t want to because I am tired of focusing on me, I am supposed to focus on the life of Christ in me. In truth, I have been obsessed with myself my whole life. Navel-gazing gets old. I think I need to live by faith and do my best at this moment to serve others and please my Lord. Isn’t he the one we need to figure out and learn about? John 17:3 says, “This is eternal life, that we might know him, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom he has sent.”

One more thing, I also am an American and I think we think about ourselves far too much. So who am I?

Who cares.

(For a great article on the enneagram read: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/enneagram-road-back-somewhere-else/)