My friend has a friend who calls herself a boy, but she is a girl.

This boy-girl loves spiders, especially tarantulas. She, or should I say he, has a couple of pet tarantulas and her, I mean his, favorite is a brown Goliath bird eater. It is a big, bad, ugly spider. But not to her, I mean him. She/He says, “I love my spider, he is a good spider.”

My friend asked her friend, “How do you know he is a he?” The answer was simple, “When spiders molt, you can look at their underside and it is really easy to tell their gender.”

She/He has other spiders, but only one boy spider. Did you know you can tell the gender of spiders? I guess it is more obvious than you could ever imagine…and that is one thing I don’t want to imagine.

But when it comes to humans, it is becoming harder and harder to tell. We call ourselves the superior species, but I am not so sure? We are more confused about ourselves than tarantulas are about other tarantulas. You know what I think the problem is? We don’t molt all at once like spiders do. If we did, it might be easier to tell?

Why does this even matter? Because I read an article yesterday “Churches Could be Forced to Comply with Transgender Laws” that shows how our confusion on gender is becoming a big problem for many. If only we could learn from tarantulas we wouldn’t have these legal problems!

Todd Starnes writes, “The Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination, the commission responsible for enforcing the anti-discrimination law, reinforced that interpretation in a document titled, ‘Gender Identity Guidance.’

“Even a church could be seen as a place of public accommodation if it holds a secular event, such as a spaghetti supper, that is open to the general public,” the document states.  “All persons, regardless of gender identity, shall have the right to the full and equal accommodations, advantages, facilities and privileges of any place of public accommodation.”

“The law bootstraps the idea of gender identity onto existing Civil Rights laws,” MFI president Andrew Beckwith tells me. “Even having a sign in your church that says “This Bathroom is for Biological Women Only” could subject the pastor of the church to up to 30 days in jail.”

Beckwith said under the law, the sign would be treated the same as if it had said, “Whites Only.”

Crazy, 30 days in jail because we want girls to go to girls bathrooms and boys to go to boys bathrooms? How can a girl who thinks she is a boy be sure her boy tarantula is not a girl? Well, the answer to the gender issue really matters for spider lovers. You see, in some species of spiders, after a male and female mate, the female eats the male spider. So if you love your boy spider, you better make sure he isn’t in a cage with a female…because what if he becomes attracted to that beautiful lady spider in the corner?

It could mean he faces a certain death? I am not so sure cannibalism is common for tarantulas, but you can never be too careful with your beloved boy spider!

The same kind of care doesn’t seem to take hold in the human species. Did you know occasionally older human males can become attracted and sexually predatory to the younger females? And yes, it is possible for some male predators to dress up like females to lure females to them? If we cared about the younger females of our species, wouldn’t it be a good thing to keep the older ones away and give them zero possibility of contacting the younger girls?

There is one major problem with this question: we no longer know how to identify genders like we do in spiders. Or maybe the problem is, we just don’t want to? Are we confused or are we just trying to make things confusing?

Do you ever think we will get to the point where we think we are tarantulas?

Sounds crazy? But it isn’t if freedom of expression is the ultimate goal of American liberty. You should be able to be anything you want: a cat, a baby in diapers, a dog, or even a zombie chewing on people’s faces if you want. Live and let live, right? Unless of course, the zombie wants to eat your face. What if a predator male is dressed up like a girl lurking in your church’s bathroom? Oh yeah, we are not allowed to think that humans could ever be so twisted and evil.

Once you change things that are obvious into what you feel you want them to be, the world becomes more dangerous than a tarantula sitting on top of your head. If you feel that my money is your money, you should have the right to it, right? But what if I want to shoot the loaded gun I have in my hand because you took my money? Isn’t that my right too?

Unlimited freedom is not really freedom after all. And this also should be true when it comes to gender identity; but sadly, it is not. So pastor, get ready to do some time. And dad, get ready for your daughter to see a bearded lady in the bathroom shaving.

I once thought we had it better than insects, but apparently not tarantulas?