I’m a part of the chain gang.
No, I did not rob a bank, forge a check or break the heads off parking meters like Cool Hand Luke. The chain gang I am on runs the first down markers for my son’s varsity football team.
I love it because I get front row seats to the game. I see up close and personal every hit, every block, every run and every penalty. But that isn’t the best part. I also get to be on the sidelines of the opposing team. I am able to get the inside scoop from the other side of the field.
I get to listen to their play calls, watch their players interact, and hear the opinions of how they view my son’s team. It is fascinating to be privy to the unvarnished truth about your son and his team. Especially when they announce his name on the loudspeaker and one of the coaches smirks and says, “What kind of idiot would name their son Giovanni.” I am tempted to say, “Ahem, that would be me, would you like to talk about it?” But I am not supposed to make my presence felt, as a member of the chain gang I am merely meant to be a silent, neutral part of the field.
Now that I have done this for three years, I have learned a few things on how the other side thinks and feels – – I have been forced to learn “the art of empathy” firsthand: Seeing a situation from another’s perspective. I’m thinking that these insights can help me navigate the political maelstrom America is presently facing. In fact, it is always good to try to learn how the other side thinks.
Here is what I found:
When there are two opponents wanting the same thing (a victory for a football team, expanded rights for an ethnic group, more power for a political party, a bigger piece of the tax dollars collected), I have found the other side goes through four stages of thinking trying to accomplish their goal.
- Before the game (argument, vote, piece of legislation), the other side believes themselves to be superior, right and deserving of the win. It is interesting to hear how the other team first views my son’s team; they naturally have contempt for them, you can hear it in their comments, “We have much bigger guys, their uniforms suck, who would name their kid Giovanni?” (Oh yeah, I mentioned that already…that slight is hard to let go of). Contempt is just natural. Every coach automatically teaches their players, if your gonna win you better believe you have the right to win, or why play? NOTE: As long as the other side is winning, the contempt remains. If they are winning badly, ridicule and mockery ensue. But if they start losing three more stages happen…
- Anger and frustration starts building between coaches and players. Since they believe they are better, losing must be because (1) the other team is cheating (2) or your team is missing their assignments and making bad mistakes. Rarely will any team ever acknowledge the other team is just better. And it’s really hard to admit your team is just plain bad. This naturally leads to…
- Blame the refs! Those rotten policemen of the gridiron is ruining the game. Last week as my son’s team started beating the other team on the line of scrimmage, the coach stopped coaching his players and stalked the refs for the rest of the game. His tactics worked a little because he was able to get three or four calls to go his way, but it didn’t help his team play any better. In fact, they lost 28 – 0, but boy did those refs get a good butt chewing! I noticed one more thing as it became apparent the other side had no chance to win…
- While some on the team acknowledged a clean defeat, other players and coaches started hating my son’s team. Half-way through the third quarter when the score was 21-0, I was holding a first down marker by one of the other team’s coaches. I wasn’t saying a word, and for some odd reason the coach looked over at me and asked, “So, does your son play on this team?” I didn’t want to answer because my son with the weird name scored two touchdowns. I hesitated and eventually said, ”Yes he does.” He then asked me, “What is his number?” I said, ”Number 8.” He looked at me, and in a very low tone, he said, “Damn you.”
It is strange being on the inside of the other side. I wonder what opposing groups would think of me and my group if they listened in to our discussions?
- Would we have contempt and disrespect for the other side? Would we mock and ridicule the way they look, the color of their skin? The way they name their kids?
- Would we assume we were always right? Insist we were always the moral ones? Do we see the other side as evil and cheaters?
- Would we blame the system? Would we blame the refs, police, those in authority?
- Would we hate the other side?
From having the opportunity of being on the other side I have found that a good team first and foremost teaches and coaches their own. They first acknowledge their own faults – – they see and admit the areas where they have not trained and taught their side well. They appreciate the abilities of the other team, respect the rules and authorities that are put in place, and they stop blaming their loss on the things they can’t control.
And ultimately every team needs to shake hands when the game is over. Hatred is killing us as a nation. Three weeks ago the other side was so angry at losing to my son’s team they reverted to violence. They wanted to hurt any player on my son’s team, and they did.
Sure we won that day, but we all lost something in the long run. Enjoyment of the game and respect for each other’s common humanity. Our country is starting to lose it too…Pray for Las Vegas.
