“I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the pricks.”
Acts 26:14

In a recent Rolling Stone interview with Bono, lead singer for the incomparable rock group U2, gave this insightful quote when speaking about the link between creativity and mortality, “Brendan Kennelly. I have known him for years; he is an unbelievable poet. And he said, ‘Bono, if you want to get to the place where the writing lives, imagine you’re dead.‘ There is no ego, there is no vanity, no worrying about who you will offend. ”

So let’s imagine I am dead. And then imagine on the other side of the grave I am asked, “Chris, why did you believe in Christ while you were alive? Why did you take the teachings of Christianity so serious?” Since I have nothing to lose, here is my answer, as plain and forthright as any dead man can answer:

The answer is simple: I was dreadfully hungry and thirsty!

Need drove me to Jesus. Or rather it was Jesus who drove me to see how badly I was in need of him. Like Jesus said to Saul on the road to Damascus, “Why do you kick against the pricks?” The Lord was pricking me, goading me to come to him. I had no other choice. The writer J. N. Darby describes this idea well, “Wisdom and philosophy never found out God; He makes Himself known to us through our needs; necessity finds Him out. I doubt much if we have ever learned anything solidly except we have learnt it thus.”

The point of God’s prick is found in the sharp pain of our failure, the heaviness of sorrow, the shame of disappointment, the gnawing lust of sinful addiction and despair of smashed dreams. Until we are truly hungry to get free from these things, we won’t reach for the food. And Jesus is the bread of life.

“Why I am a Christian?” seems to be an awfully strange question for me to consider now because this question originates out of the present cultural worldview of arrogant self-confidence; it is often asked from a person that is full, thinking they are fine, not needing anything. But I have never been fine, full and completely satisfied. For me, the real question is this, “Why aren’t you a Christian?”

Where do people go to get their fill if it isn’t Christ?

And I am not talking about the delusional junk foods of money, success or pleasure. Everyone knows the more the eye sees of these things the more it wants because delusions don’t fill nor satisfy. And that is exactly what they are. When have you ever had your fill of enough money? You may succeed today, but if you don’t keep it up, you will be nothing more than a failure.

But that is the point. I reached the end in my life where I was left hungry after chomping down on the delusional answers this world provides. I was so hungry because I filled my stomach with nothing but empty lies. It is like chomping on too many circus peanuts; they are nothing but air, sugar and orange fluff. All I was left with was God’s pointed prick, waking me up to the reality that I needed real food. His food.

This moment of need and dissatisfaction in my life came to a point of decision. I was driving home from a sales meeting where the customer called me a liar to my face and told me to get out of his office. On my way home I was driving down Highway 44 in Mentor, Ohio thinking about this horrible meeting, wondering if financial success was worth the price of losing my soul?

I will never forget that day because I pulled my car over on the side of the highway, turned off the engine and had a heart to heart argument with God. I was yelling at him pounding on the steering wheel of my car…people driving by must have thought I was nuts.

My rant was filled with anger: I felt like a failure, I felt like God failed me, I hated my job, most of my dreams of a child were smashed, and I wanted to know from God why I was even created? It was then in the moment of expressing my anger I first really vented words of true faith. They were far more real and true than my years of reciting old dead responsorial readings during mass. My anger in that moment proved to me that I actually believed God existed, I knew he was alive, and I also knew he was the only one who could help me. He used his prick to bring me to a point of anger and wanting answers.

You can only truly get angry at someone if you know they can actually help you. I believed in him, the first stone of faith was laid.

Did you know God is alright when a person is angry with Him? That is, of course, if it is a genuine cry of faith. It was for me. I was throwing myself at him. I was desperately hungry for answers; answers I know only He could give.

So in that moment, I knew that if he was going to hear my prayer, I must reciprocate by hearing his word. Communication goes both ways. Relationship requires a give and take. My parents taught me that. So I told him I would begin to learn of him, I would read his Word, and the space to give him a chance to answer my questions, and I would try to listen. But I also needed help!

I learned biblical listening means I must also follow. I was OK with that because I was tired of going my own way, I was crashing and burning at every turn. I figured it was time to let him lead. And lead he did. So in that car, I repented. I confessed my sin and turned toward him, and I quit following my own way. I gave him my cracked and broken life and trusted he could repair it. I was hungry, that is why I believed.

Over the years I have found that while he answered so many of my original questions, life happens and more questions arise. I also found that Christianity doesn’t make me stronger but weaker. I am needier and hungrier than ever. And when I start going at it on my own he sends me a thorn. Paul says, “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surprisingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.”

Pricks and thorns are given to prod, poke and humble us. Their purpose is to evoke hunger and thirst. And Jesus promised, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.”

​How hungry are you?