“I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be good news.”

Galatians 1:6

There is a very helpful illustration I sometimes use when speaking or preaching. It is about a boy, a boat and some alligators. It really is quite a lovely story if you just ignore the graphic ending. I think you will love it. In fact, I know you will.

THE BOY ON THE LAKE

“Once upon a time a sweet, kind little boy wanted to go fishing all by himself. So he grabbed a fishing pole, three sharp hooks, and a small plastic container of squiggly pink earthworms for bait. Walking out the backdoor toward the large lake, he took a deep breath of the crisp morning air and said to himself, I’m gonna catch me a bucket full of trout. The yellow sun was peeking out to the east as a thin mist of morning air wrapped itself around the shoreline of the still water like a silky white scarf.”

(Refreshing story so far, isn’t it?)

“Just as the boy made it to the edge of the wooden dock, his dad came running out of their small cabin and said, ‘Son, fish only from the dock, there are a lot of hungry alligators hiding in the waters on the other side of the shore, so I don’t want you out on the boat to arouse their curiosity. Those gators will definitely want to tip you over so they can have an early morning snack.’”

“‘But dad,’ the boy cried, ‘it is no fun just sitting on the dock. And besides, I am your son, don’t you want me to have fun and feel free in the sun?’ ‘Son, I don’t care about you having fun as much as I care about you staying alive. Understand?!?!’ The boy dropped his head in sad disappointment and said, ‘I understand, but you are so mean.’ The dad smiled and went back inside while the son went to sit on the end of the dock.”

(Poor boy, right? His controlling dad is not letting him be all he wants to be.)

“As the boy cast a line from the end of the dock, he could hear the small row boat gently knocking into the wooden posts of the dock as the waves lapped up against the boat’s sides.  And as he looked over at the small skiff he said to himself, ‘It sure would be much more enjoyable in the boat…maybe, if I just sit in the boat without rowing out it will be just fine.’ So that is what he did. He grabbed his pole and his container of fat worms and sat in the boat. After a few minutes the boy decided to gently untie the boat from the post while staying as near to the dock as he could. He knew that his dad wouldn’t be looking, so there he sat.”

(Got to love the kid’s adventurous spirit, don’t you? I sure do!)

“After about ten minutes of waiting near the dock, and not getting a single bite on the line, he noticed a few large fish were jumping out of the water trying to snatch bugs in the middle of the lake. So quietly he grabbed an oar and started paddling away from the dock towards the center of the lake. The thrill of being out far from shore all by himself gave him a new feeling of freedom that he never had before. He forgot about what his dad said, and plus, he knew could do this. After he found the right spot he decided to hook the fattest worm he could find, and he cast a far line with a heavy weight and red floating bobber. He knew this was his chance to catch a big one. Just at that moment, he saw in the distance a few large alligators that were previously sleeping on the other side of the shore slowly and silently slipped into the dark green waters of the lake, the boy could feel his pulse racing.”

(Rules are meant to be broken, right? It is the only way to live!)

“While his mind was trying to calculate how many gators may be in the water he got a tremendous bite on his line. The reel on the fishing pole started whizzing as the boy could feel the tension pulling on the other end of his line. It felt like a big one! Just as he started  reeling in the fish, a thump on the side of his boat grabbed his attention. Thump, thump. After the second thump the boy saw a 15 foot alligator appear for a split second on the surface of the water just past the bow of his boat. The large green monster had a row of razor sharp teeth. But no worries, the alligator quickly submerged again and he could also see that he caught a giant trout which was putting up a valiant fight on the other end of the line.”

(Now this is getting exciting, the boy surely would not have this much fun sitting on the edge of a silly dock. Rules ruin life, don’t they?)

“The struggle with the fish was epic, and the boy knew the victory was his. Right as he was pulling a massive silver trout out of the lake, he felt another loud thump on the backside of the boat which knocked him clean overboard. Just as his body hit the water, something grabbed his leg and started pulling him underwater. So the boy screamed, ‘Dad, dad, help!!!!!’ The alligator’s grip slipped and the boy started swimming away toward shore. ‘Dad, dad, help!’ He cried out again.”

“As the boy was frantically swimming, he saw his dad come blasting out the back door of the cabin and he began sprinting down the dock. He had a large knife gripped tight in his right hand. Just as his dad dove in, the alligator caught the boy by the leg again, and he shrieked a blood curdling scream because he could feel a few sharp teeth pierce his skin. Oh the pain! At that moment, his dad jumped on the back of the alligator and plunged his knife deep in the alligator’s right eye causing him to release his grip on the boy’s leg.”

(The boy wanted fun, and he sure got it. Isn’t this fun?)

“The boy swam to shore without looking back, it was a tough swim, but he never felt more alive. As he lay sprawled on the grass by the edge of the lake he saw his dad battling a pair of angry alligators, knife was flashing, water was violently splashing, and two massive tails were thrashing. The boy was spellbound because he never saw so much blood in the water before. He knew that sitting on the dock would never produce the thrills like he was witnessing first hand here. Soon he saw him, his dad was free and was swimming to shore.”

“‘Help me son, I can’t kick my legs anymore!’ The boy took his time to wade out and finally grabbed his dad’s arm pulling him to shore. He noticed that one of his dad’s legs was completely severed, torn from the shin down, his foot was missing. And there also was a massive bite taken out of the side of his dad’s torso, intestines were spilling out, and a large pool of blood was forming underneath him.”

“‘Dad, oh dad,’ the boy cried. ‘I have never had so much fun in my life, can I go back out again?’ The dad didn’t answer. 

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

This story is teaching something rather obvious, I don’t want you to miss it: Life is so much more enjoyable where there is real danger involved. I know, I know, some other lame people will think the story has something to do with a father’s sacrificial love and his willingness to pay the highest price to keep his son alive. But I don’t see it that way, in fact, if you keep telling the story you can ignore that fact altogether and just focus on the thrill of the catch and the thumping of the boat. Oh yeah, don’t forget the blood, that makes it really exciting.

In fact, the more I think about it, the first time I heard this story was a long, long time ago told by an old fuddy-duddy, a strict moralist with a stern face and perfect white teeth. If I was to retell it to satisfy today’s culture I am not sure we need to paint the alligators as so vicious. It seems that we now can choose to see life with more hope and tolerance, and I am sure the alligators of today are not even as dangerous as they once were. I have recently seen some kid’s shows on television, Blue’s Clues to be exact, that now portray alligators as fun loving families with big hats and large smiles talking with an upbeat urban accent. That is the way I want to think about alligators, not as some dangerous reptile who only lives to eat, tear flesh, sleep, and then warm it’s cold blood in the hot summer sun. 

Alligators have rights too!

If you were to ask me, the worst part of this whole story was the initial restrictions the father tried to place on his child’s freedom. I hate how patriarchal men try to control the world thinking that “Father knows best.” I would rather pretend and believe that alligators are part of the global village, than listen to rules made by repressive men. I would rather adopt the creative spirit of the age where we can pretend about everything, dream whatever we want to be, and believe the world will be a much better place.

PLAYING PRETEND

Paul says in Galatians 1:6 “people will turn away from God’s clear truth and follow pretend storytellers.” And in the course of his writing, he is actually shocked by how quickly people do turn from the truth they were previously taught. But look around you, playing pretend is now a part of our national fabric and those who are trying to point out the truth are our society’s “wet blankets” and usually they are the people who “take things too seriously” – – just like the dad in this story who told the boy not to go out on the boat in the lake. Such a killjoy!

So let’s play pretend, and I have three very important areas of life where people would be better off if we all started pretending:

1. Can we start teaching that God is no longer “Exclusive” when it comes to salvation? I know that traditional Christianity used to believe that there was only one way to the Father, and that was through faith in his Son Jesus Christ. Yes, ancient scripture seems to be very clear on this in Acts 4:12, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” But if someone doesn’t believe it, and chooses to ignore that the Bible even said that in the first place, I think we could really pretend better things. Since most people hate leaving anyone out, let’s pretend and teach that Jesus actually says, “Salvation can be found in me, but you can also please my Father by believing in anything else you want. For instance, you can believe a fat golden elephant with eight arms exists and if you offer sacrifices of honey to him, God will be pleased. Oh yeah, that guy Muhammad (You know the one who would cut off peoples’ heads if they didn’t say Allah was god and Muhammed was his prophet), if you just go on holy Jihad crusade for him, heaven is guaranteed. And don’t worry that people who follow him treat women like cattle, it’s all good! Everyone is accepted, just as long as they don’t act like Adolph Hitler.” This is a fun pretend game to play. Whose in?
2. Sin is not a fun concept, I actually recoil at the idea of it, especially the part where the Bible hints that it is like leprosy and ruins everything it touches. It kills, steals, destroys, and eternally condemns. So let’s just take a magic wand and some sparkly fairy dust and ignore that sin ever existed. There is no such thing, and I would even like to propose some new rules on this concept of sin; instead of calling it a killer, can we say that sin is the avenue by which we will find true joy, laughter and life? Like the boy in the story, the boat is where all the real excitement started happening. Likewise, sin allows me to finally be the real me, encouraging me to experiment in perversion and inventing new versions of myself. We can even bring our children to pride parades and if they see nudity, bondage toys, and leather whips, it’s all good! And if I get addicted to sin, or abused by other sinners, or harmed by the behaviors of devious liars I was warned about by the killjoy morality police, it really is not my fault for the pain I feel, and the trauma I endure. The only one who really is to blame is the Father who didn’t come to my rescue sooner. Just think, if in this story the dad would have always been watching nearby, the boy would never have felt the pain from the bite on the leg. And plus, he may still have caught his big fish! Remember, it is all about the fun!
3. Finally, the best way to make everything better, is simply to just retell the story.  But this time we can pretend that alligators are not mean at all and they speak in English accents and eat tea and crumpets. So when the boy goes out on the boat, the alligators could be frolicking in a circular inner tube wearing sunglasses, sporting sunscreen on their long snout while singing “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” by Tiny Tim. That would be a hoot, wouldn’t it? So lets pretend and say, “That is the way it is, because that is the way I want it to be!” We can create the reality we want. The LGBTQ movement has taught us that. A guy wants to be a girl, so he is a girl. A girl wants to be a dog, let her be a dog, let’s pretend together. It’s fun! You want to wear a dress and think you are a fairy princess, that’s great, go for it.  Because remember, you are what you feel, that is the basis of every good story. So what if transgendered females are put into prison with real females, it isn’t their fault if they abuse their cellmate. And it is just pretend anyway, can’t we all just get along? Oh, I know the reports that people who claim to be gay have more depression, shorter life spans, and far more violent and narcissistic partners than heterosexuals do – but this is not about letting reality get us down, it is about pretending everyone is one big happy family. I’m happy, are you?

THE CROSS IS ALWAYS THE PROBLEM

Pretending really is a great way to go, but there always remains one pesky problem; or should I say, a massive earth wrecking problem. What do we do with the cross? If Jesus isn’t the only way, if sin is not that bad, and if we can create anything we want, why did he go to all that trouble and die such a horrific death on the cross? What a waste of a good and kind man. You can even try and pretend the cross away, but like a water in a flooded basement, the truth of the cross will keep seeping into your soul reminding you that there is a reality that all of us must face.

You can’t just simply look away from the face of the man who was beaten “for our transgressions” and crushed “for our iniquities”. And most of all, you can’t unsee the blood. God tells us that innocent blood that is shed is forever crying out to him, it never relents, and it is meant to haunt us all. And more than anything, spilled blood reminds us that playing pretend is an eternally dangerous game.

All of us know that playing pretend has to stop at some point. You can’t keep pretending. Once you have your own children, you quickly realize that they must be warned about the real alligators and predators who want to hurt them. Evil is always hungry and it never quits. So while you may still try to pretend, real love stops playing games with those you love. And as a good Father, God won’t let you play pretend for too long either, because life is short, and eternity is forever. His Son really died, sin is really real, and he is the only way. Did you know that God hates sin because it is killing you?

So the real question is this, “When will you grow up, stop pretending, and believe his words?” When will you take God seriously, because playing pretend will someday end. He says so in John 12:48, “All who reject me and my message will be judged on the day of judgment by the truth I have spoken.”

Meanwhile, while we wait for that day, and some of us continue to pretend, you will still need to avoid alligators because they still bite.