In Praise of the Strong Woman

We are now living in the age of the strong woman, and as most people in our popular culture would say, it has been a long time coming. Joining in with the famous Virginia Slims advertising slogan, we all must admit, “You have come a long way baby!” And they sure have. For far too long men have been hogging society’s spotlight, now it is time for them to step aside and declare the glory of women. 

But before we get to that, I think it is important to define what it means to be a strong woman. Most feminists have determined that female strength must be defined in masculine terms: Women need to be fierce, independent, courageous and successful. They see strength as the ability to defeat the repressive old patriarchy at their game by gaining control over those who once had control over them, taking seats in positions of leadership, occupying titles of authority, and of course, fighting for equality in monetary compensation. And even in movieland there is now a very obvious agenda for women to be cast in powerful roles that clearly portray them as fearless heroes who are just as physically intimidating as the males are as they knock bad-guys senseless with their amazing superpowers. Equality is a must in all areas, especially in the ones that men once had a monopoly on – – it is now imperative for strong women to claim strength as their territory if they are ever going to be treated fairly and considered on par with men.

The crowning glory of this depiction of the strong woman is seen in the role Brie Larson as Captain Marvel. We are told that we must be impressed by her strength and demeanor, “Higher, further, faster baby,” she declares as she high fives her female friend celebrating their “girl power.” She tells her male mentor, “I am kinda done with being told what I can’t do.” And ultimately as a hero she is unbeatable, even after a group of bad aliens tie her up, she overcomes them by exerting relatively no effort at all because she can’t be stopped. The beauty of MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is how most of their compelling characters have learned to overcome their weaknesses and also how to laugh at themselves. But not Brie Larson. In Captain Marvel, she takes herself far too seriously. Being a strong character for feminists, means the woman’s unflappable character and her display of outward fierceness and strength is more important than the story itself.

And that precisely is the problem with modern feminism, the women who are leading the movement are always trying to prove something and they don’t know how to admit they are human like the rest of us, they are not allowed to. And to have equal standing with men, strength is only considered as an outward quality.  

But in my humble opinion, true strength is what is found on the inside of a person. And there is nothing more impressive than finding a woman who is confident enough on the inside that they don’t need to prove and compete with men on the outside. So I offer to you my choice for a strong woman.

In Praise of my Mom

My mom is strong, really, really strong. Not in the sense that she can deadlift an amazing amount of weight or can hold her own on the arm wrestling table. She is strong in the sense that she has always been the backbone of our family. Her strength is a quiet strength, one that keeps going, perseveres through the toughest of times without needing to gain attention or prove her worth. I have specifically seen her strength lived out in four very clear ways:

1. Serving People before striving for Prestige and Popularity: My mother raised six children, six strong-willed, loud-mouthed, energetic children. My siblings and I were whirling dervishes, never stopping, often coming home expecting hot meals to be served when we were hungry, bringing uninvited friends to sleep the night (another mouth to feed), clothes to be washed, and dirty uniforms to be bleached-white ready for the next game. My mom was always busy in the background making sure we had what we needed so we could not only survive, but excel in our lives. Most feminists would say that my mom was nothing more than a doormat, a weak-willed person who didn’t know how to stand up for themselves. The truth is my mom could have been an amazing writer and newspaper journalist. For a few years she was the editor of a local college newspaper and she interviewed famous people like William F. Buckley, Rosalyn Carter and Pearl Bailey to name a few. But success and popularity meant nothing as compared to her children who were growing up to be adults who could affect the world. People mattered to her more than getting a bigger paycheck. Because of my mom’s years of humble service, her children have truly been able to flourish. My sisters are amazing women: Tammy, my oldest sister, is a white-collar professional that is one of the most capable CPA’s I have ever met in my life. Regina has run programs in California that reaches women in prisons, women who have been sex-trafficked, and now she teaches at-risk ladies who are being changed because of her. My sister Stephanie has done it all, from owning five of her own apartments where she has fixed sinks, hung drywall, helped people with their rent, and now she has her own hobby farm with chickens, ducks, peacocks, ponies, and a giant red barn. My brother and I have dedicated our lives to ministry: He has done it all from living in Bolivia reaching indigenous peoples, to pastoring a growing church in the hills of West Virginia. I have been serving as a small town pastor for the last 24 years in the apple country of West Michigan. Why are we so ambitious? My mom allowed us to pursue our dreams while she did the mundane stuff…and she now keeps serving an army of grandkids and great-grandkids who all call her “Grammy!!” Now that is success.
2. Sacrificial Love before Personal Fulfillment: My mom has taken care of my sister Laura Lee for over 60 years. My sister has Rhett Syndrome; I have written all about her story if you would like to understand how ravaging of a disease it is in a book called “My Silent Sister and Her Rusty Cage.” 60 years! And everyday for 60 years she had to feed her every meal, change her diapers, get her ready for school, and take her to the doctor when she was sick. 60 years! Because of that she pretty much was homebound, she sacrificed her freedom so my sister could simply live. Feminists would call that a wasted life; my mom sees her daughter as a person made in the image of God. As an eternal being she will walk the “streets of gold” with someday. That is a lot better than being Brie Larson who can only boast, “I was a star of a pretty pointless movie! Isn’t that great?” It means nothing if you never get to see Jesus’ face like Laura will.
3. Beauty from Blessing Others rather than just having a Pretty Face: My mom makes things: ties, bow ties, dresses, photo albums, food, plants flowers, maintains a pool, writes cards for all her kids and grandkids birthdays, keeps a journal with amazing handwriting, and sends me books after books after books to help keep my knowledge up so I will be an informed pastor. (I have read more Nazi books than you can imagine because of my mom). Her ability to bless others with her giving heart is a beautiful thing. Growing up she looked like Audrey Hepburn, but she chose not to simply focus on her outward beauty, it was in her desire to bless others with what would make them happy is where real beauty lies. Never once did my mom sit in front of a camera and try to impress others with her selfie shots. Her beauty was to bless.
4. Keeping Vows even when it Hurt: Two of the most important verses of scripture that are often forgotten these modern-days are found in Psalm 15:4 and Ecclesiastes 5:4. Both of them talk about the seriousness of making a vow, and when you make that vow, make sure you do what you can to keep them. In our day and age of feminists power, a vow is seen as a hindrance to freedom. The popular writer of “Eat, Pray, Love”, Elizabeth Gilbert, was so proud of her decision to end her marriage with her husband so she could take a writing trip to Europe and eat food in Italy, pray in India, and find love in Indonesia. So cool, and so liberating…right? Well my mom did the boring thing and she stayed married to the same man for over 40 years. She also allowed him to be the leader of the family, making major decisions when we should move, what town we will live in and where we would take vacation. She loved my dad who was not always the easiest man to love. He would travel out of town every week for 10 years earning money. Did she like it? No, but she encouraged him to be the best National Salesman he could be. When he got fired and lost his job for a year did she deride him as a failure and belittle him? No, she believed in him completely. My mom enjoyed my dad, even when it took amazing determination to be supportive and encouraging. Why would anyone do this? SHE MADE A VOW! Feminists love to tout their power to leave, to never allow themselves be tied down to a man. But I will guarantee you, you will never find a happier person than my mom. She learned that working together through hard times is the surest road to good times.

I love my mom. She has always been an incredible source of strength for me. I will never forget a season in my life when I was counseling a man that went to our church, and he was involved in some dark things, demonic things. After each counseling session with him I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I remember I thought to myself, “Chris, call mom.” So I called my mom and asked her to pray for me. At the time I was a forty year old man, I should be strong enough for this. But I really needed my mom. She prayed for me and I was able to just sit and cry on the other end of the phone call. I needed her strength.

Don’t buy the lie that strength is in being in a role, or position of power, or getting all the headlines in the press. Real strength is in the heart. And my mom is a true warrior.

Happy Mother’s Day mom. I love you.