“Hey my friend, will you forgive me? I was really mad at you.” 

I was caught off guard. The person who called me was angry, angry, angry and I am not sure what I even did wrong. 

He continued, “Dude, I am sorry that I thought bad thoughts about you.” Still rather vague.

“What did I do to make you so mad?” I asked.

“Nothing. Nothing at all and that is the problem.” Oh, my confusion was not gaining any clarity. He continued, “You are the pastor, we are not meeting, and it feels like you are giving in to the lies of the machine. I want you to do something about it.” 

“What do you want me to do?” I asked.

“Something! I am tired of sitting at home. I am tired of being controlled by Gretchen. I am tired of not being able to see my friends.” He let off some more steam and said, “I’m sorry, I just want to be back at church.”

So I picked the scab a little more, “Do you secretly think I don’t want to meet? Do you think I am happy being locked at home staring at the ceiling while trying to decide which book I am going to re-read for the umpteenth time?” I wanted to take him even farther down my bitterness rabbit-hole, but I bit my tongue and let my thoughts wander…”Do people actually think I have sold my soul to Communist China – I’m the new Wuhan stool pigeon? Am I becoming that person who is the voiceless piece of milk-toast that I have read about in Germany who allowed Hitler to take over? Do people see me as a trembling sack of bones every time he hears the word COVID19? Am I living in fear?”

I know I am not that kind of guy…at least I don’t want to be that guy…

The voice on the other end of the line brought me back to reality, “So will you forgive me?” You could hear the warmth of friendship and the sincerity of his apology rise up like a bright sun.

“Of course,” I replied, “In fact, I understand your frustration more than you know.” I really had no problem at all with his feelings about me – I find it rather freeing to hear someone’s frustration being vented even if I am falsely accused, At least it isn’t hidden. I hate trading punches with phantoms. To be honest with you, I was more troubled about my own dark considerations I was entertaining about myself than anything else. I hate feeling helpless: Darned if I do, and darned if I don’t. I Hate it!

I remember feeling the same feverish angst when my dad used to open up to me about my older sister Laura. He wanted her healed in a bad, bad way and would pray non-stop for God to give her a normal life. He was a strong man who was rendered helpless. His earnest praying led to no avail.  It has been 60 years now where my poor sister is still locked in a mental prison she can never get out of. And there still is nothing anyone can do about it. Arrrgh!!! Who wants to scream with me?!?!?!

So here we sit, cowering under the threatening COVID shadow, helpless to change things. Oh sure, we can voice our opinions, share articles that support our political point-of-view in hopes for some swift action to be taken on high so life can be brought back to normal. And we all are masters at throwing blame toward some evil villain who we think wants this misery to continue – either nicknamed Big Gretch or the man with the orange skin. Fury is an addictive sedative that helps us all feel better. But if we can be real honest, it doesn’t help the situation one wit. And plus, screaming doesn’t fix the problem while our hands still remained tied. 

I recently have been reading a book that offers great common sense advice on how to think during difficult times, and I have found a concept that might help us all navigate through this fog of frustration. By the way, I don’t want to promote this book because if you would read the title you definitely would not want me to be your pastor anymore. Another strange quandary I find myself in.

Here is the concept and then I will apply it to where we are at…

“We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. This is part of life.

Here’s one way to think about the distinction between two concepts. Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you are currently making, every second of every day…There’s a difference between blaming someone else for your situation and that person’s actually being responsible for your situation. Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experiences.”

So let’s see if this helps.

1. COVID19 is not our fault. It is not your fault. And I do not believe it is some grand “End of the World” conspiracy that the Antichrist has set up. I just think it is the result of a fallen world. Ever since Genesis 3, the world is not as it is supposed to be. Death happens. You will die.
2. COVID19 is someone’s fault, someone is to blame. But the milk has already been spilled, the cat is out of the bag, the virus is having it’s 8 months of fame. If you want to try to figure out who is to blame, fine, just don’t let it consume all your energy. You have more important things to worry about that matter. While some unnamed inept person started this terrible thing that landed us all in this stinking pit of garbage, you and I are still responsible for how we react to it and feel about it.
3. So how will you act responsibly? That is the real question. As a pastor of a large church I have asked this question every single day, “What is my responsibility?” I am caught betwixt and between, and the biggest debate I fight daily is what goes on in my own head. I have two people arguing it out, “The Proper Pastor” and the “Angry Patriot.” The Proper Pastor lives by a single word, ‘propriety’. I am to do things in proper order, taking into account all opinions, following closely to the mandates of scripture, sticking to them even if I am misunderstood. This guy, the Pastor, cares about the hurt any impulsive decision may cause. He must take his time, he must tread lightly. Then you have the Angry Patriot, he wants to fight! He wants to cry out with Patrick Henry, “Give me Liberty or give me Death!” He wants to throw caution to the wind, he wants to chew the bumper off Whitmer’s car. But the more I consider my responsibility I have come to the conclusion that the larger the church the more propriety must come into play, it is just the way it is. Fault has been found, COVID19 is to blame, and yet responsibility still calls. I am convinced after long dark nights of debating with myself, “waiting is wise.” But pray for my fellow pastors because they still have to calm down the Angry Patriot when his blood temperature rises during staff meetings.

The fact is, you may still want to blame me and the other pastors for some of our faulty decisions — face it, we are only human. But it is your responsibility to not let this situation make you an unhappy, crazy, angry and a surly, mean congregant. Yes, you will be at fault when you gossip or choose to leave the fellowship because waiting made you stir crazy, or reading another hyper-biased article caused you to unleash venom in an unhinged self-righteous moment of fury.

No, it is not your fault that many in our church are over 65, but it is your responsibility to show them love and care. It is not your fault that you have me as a pastor, a seriously flawed man who struggles with patience, but it is your responsibility to offer me another shot at mercy when I make choices that cause the patriot inside of you to have his blood boil.

I am so glad that my friend called. I don’t find fault with his anger, I actually welcome it, he speaks to the patriot inside of me. I have the responsibility to hear him out and not retaliate. We all need to stop retaliating! 

So to my friend, thank you for calling, I love the truth, I love a good discussion, and I love you. We will get through this together, if and only if we all can move past blaming those who are simply trying to be responsible.