Proverbs 25:24 is not a verse I have ever used in a wedding ceremony, but many times I really wanted to. There are those moments when things need to be said that is true but you dare not say them because you know just by saying them it will probably make matters worse and it will land you into a world of trouble. And one of the most dangerous things a husband could ever say to his wife is “Stop nagging me!”
That is why this verse suggests, instead of fanning the flames of marital discord, just go sit on the corner of the roof – – you will be able to hide and catch your breath up there, while your wife, who can’t find you, hopefully, has time to cool off and comes to her senses.
This is why I am convinced so many men in our church hunt. It is surprising how some of the most non-feeling and stoic beard wearing brutes will shed a tear and wax eloquent about their love of hunting: “Even If I don’t shoot anything I can still bask in the wonder of nature, the peaceful quiet of the woods, I can clear my mind while sitting in a tree blind watching a majestic black hawk soar through the peerless blue sky, I can enjoy the soothing tranquility of a nearby bubbling brook, and I can even meet with God in ways I can not at home.” Translation…my wife drives me crazy with her nagging.
Many of you may not agree with that last paragraph, especially if you are a wife that has a lazy husband and you like to get things done – but I have been hunting a few times and in my humble opinion, it can be as exciting as watching paint dry. Sitting alone in the cold is not the most exciting to do, but let’s face it, it sure beats getting nagged. I have a sneaky suspicion that if some of those men couldn’t go hunting, they would still rather watch paint dry than be a home.
So what is my point? It is a very simple – I believe in the same way nagging words from your wife make you want to run and hide away, nagging words from “Social Justice Warriors”, “Self-Impressed Progressives” and the passionate band of “Religious Crusaders and Regulators” inside and outside the church is not helping unite us as much as they think they are.
Nagging divides!
As a pastor, I have seen how, like a dripping faucet (Proverbs 27:15), nagging slowly erodes unity. I believe it is comprised of four ingredients:
- The nag has a genuine concern where they think something needs to be fixed, handled or changed. So most of the time nagging begins with a legitimate need and righteous want. But over time, if it keeps going, it starts irritating.
- The nag sees their spouse as either the person who is to be blamed for the problem or they are the key player who must fix the problem. The nag also is not quick to acknowledge the effort of the spouse when they do try to fix it. All they want is the problem fixed in the way they think is right, and they want it fixed NOW!
- The nag is relentless, they never stop talking about the problem, they become like a broken record fixated on their hobby horse, and every time they see their spouse they have to bring up the problem.
- The nag never considers that their opinion on the matter or their solution to fix the problem may be wrong. They believe, since they have completely thought through the issue, they are right even without consulting their spouse. They may even go to their friends who have similar problems, and who agree with their assessment, which then gets them more fueled up to go home and rail on the husband some more.
So what is a husband to do? Get out of there. In a middle eastern city where there are no woods or deer blinds to hide or garages to work on your car engine alone, the only place for the man to go is up on the roof. It reminds me of the James Taylor song “Up on the Roof”:
“When this old world starts a getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I’ll climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it’s peaceful as can be
And there the world below don’t bother me, no, no”
Nagging also occurs in a society when one group of people – formed by race, gender, economic standing, political persuasion – see another group of people as society’s problem or solution to the problem. Just like the nagging wife they have determined what needs to be done from their vantage point and they then shout about it wanting the other side to fix it! They stand back like an angry wife with their arms crossed and fingers pointed, waiting for change with a look of contempt and air of superiority.
And when things don’t get solved the way the first group wants it to be solved, or it’s taking too long, they start nagging all the more. Louder and louder. And the louder it gets, the more the second group wants to run and hide up on the roof or out in the woods. Personally speaking, I want to get a tiny house and live hundreds of miles away.
Nagging is fast becoming the American pastime, it seems to be coming from all corners, everywhere you turn someone is offended and something needs to be done about it. Go to a conference on the Bible, or a parent-teacher conference, or a Hollywood Awards Show and you can subtly hear the nagging. It is not that the group who is getting nagged doesn’t care, it just becomes too much and they need a place to hide from it all.
I guess the bigger question is this, “How do you tell your wife she is a nag?” You don’t, you just go back to your corner on the roof and shut up. And when you think you can handle it you re-engage. It is the most rational thing to do.
