These are my sermon notes for Sunday’s Sermon on the Nuclear Family, Parenting and how to Raise an Enjoyable Child.

There are amazing blessings of living in a home with a caring mom and dad. How specifically does it work? I call this the Discipline/Delight model of parenting. And guess where I get it from? You guessed it, the verse we discussed last week – – 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Remember, Proverbs are guidelines and tendencies, not promises. But they are meant to help us steer and make good decisions. And this steering includes discipline (train up) and delight (he will not depart). The implication is that if you discipline correctly your child will want what you are selling, his heart will be drawn to it. One commentator writes,

“The Hebrew word ‘hanak’ “to train” implies both dedicating a child to God and instructing him according to who your child is (knowing him, delighting in him) and the proper instruction to lead him in the right ways.”

So to show you how this is done, I will present four possible ways to use both discipline and delight – –

1. Just Discipline: What kind of child will you raise if you just administer discipline without delight? An angry child. Pr 23:13-14 does talk about the importance of the rod (spanking and switch), but 15:18 warns about the danger of anger, how hot temper produces more hot temper. Many a father and mother discipline out of anger and not delight in the child. “We need to break their will!” No you don’t!!! Parents are here to channel their will, not crush it. Anger is usually used for two reasons: To cause fear, or to hurt. Be careful disciplining out of anger, it often only transfers your anger to your child.
2. Just Delight: What kind of child will you raise if you just administer delight without discipline? A spoiled child. Pr 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is CAREFUL to discipline him.” Many a parent see only an angel when they look into the eyes of their child. They never think they do anything bad, they were born perfect. It is now known as the Princess and Prince syndrome. You believe your child is the first person in history to be born without a sin nature – – God performed a miracle! Or some parents simply want their child to like them, so they could never discipline them. But listen to 22:15, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Newsflash: Your children are not born perfect, they will disappoint you, rebel and even sin, they need correction…
3. Balance of Discipline and Delight: What kind of child will you raise if you administer both delight and discipline?An enjoyable child. Pr 23:24, “He who has a wise son delights in him,” “a foolish man despises his mother.” If a parent loves his child, likes who they are, and dreams big dreams, proper discipline will come. Not to hurt, or embarrass or even crush, but to guide and lead in wisdom. Good discipline is FAIR (the punishment will match the crime), CLEAR (each child in the home will know what is expected, it will not be eggshell discipline) and CONSISTENT (it will be done from a level-headed heart, and each child in the home will be treated the same). I have found good discipline is like the auto-pilot on an airplane. When the pilot puts a plane on autopilot it consistently makes small adjustments and the ride is smooth as it heads toward its destination. But let’s say a pilot just lets the plane go for a while and he realizes he has to make radical chart changes it will seem like a huge deal. Some parents are consistent, communicating clearly, making adjustments as needed and usually there is no major battle. Your child will grow a pleasant spirit. But many parents are lazy, are quickly irritated, and then when your child has been veering the wrong way for a long time, you have to make big adjustments and they become major confrontations. It is my belief that if you need to spank or use a belt it is a sign that you have let things slip early.
4. No discipline or delight? What kind of child will you raise if you don’t administer delight or discipline? A rebel. Oh boy, this is a child and then teen where folly has taken hold, and they feel like no one cares so they lash out against the world. This is the son or daughter, as 20:20 says, curses their father and mother. Listen to 30:17, “The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures.” Oh my…

One more thing: Proverbs 20:7 & 23:26 says that children learn most from your example. That is why God put them in the same house with you. It is in the warmth of the greenhouse where they watch, learn and begin to imitate. That is why I look in the mirror and say, “Wow, I remind me of my dad.” The image of God is meant to be passed. What are they to learn from you by example:

1. Habits 23:19 – are you lazy, a hard worker, sportsaholic, a hunter, a good cook, a shopper? Your child learns it.
2. Pleasures 23:21 – mom and dad, how is your drinking and smoking? Are you a glutton? Your kid learns what to like and from you.
3. Attitude 15:13-17 – I believe it is in the home where attitude is learned. Are you grumpy, are you negative, is everything a problem? And you wonder why your kid complains? My dad would not let me be a negative Nellie, “Chris, cheer up, you aren’t going to die!”

If you are a parent with kids, I wish you Godspeed!!