Brothers and sisters, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved.  For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness of God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness.  Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.
Romans 10:1-4

Why do I believe? Because I grew really, really tired of religion. Let me explain. . .

There is a saying that goes, “All that glitters is not gold.” Not only can this refer to pyrite, or fools gold, which glimmers brighter than actual gold – – but it is also true concerning the religion of my youth. Surrounded by shiny gold crucifixes, statues of saints, silver rosary beads, priests and altar boys arrayed in robes of white, and flickering candles lit on a snowy Christmas Eve night, all seemed to my young eager mind, beautiful and bright! 

But as I said before, “All that glitters is not gold.” 

This is where my wrestling match with religion begins, behind the dark shadows of Roman Catholicism’s glittering gold. I was far away from the real life of God without even realizing it. Following the model of Paul in Philippians 3:4-8 I will begin my faith account by saying,

“If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in their Roman Catholic roots, I have more…baptized as a baby to German and Polish Roman Catholics, I attended a private Roman Catholic school where I was confirmed in 8th grade, I was an altar boy for six of those years, often chosen over other altar boys to serve the Bishop in my area for important ceremonies, I went to a Roman Catholic college that was dedicated to Mary (University of Dayton) and while there I was one of the few students who attended mass each Sunday with my grandmother who married a brother from the Marianist order, my other grandparents were members of a strict Marian community in Wisconsin for 10 years where they were compelled to attend mass 3 times a day – 7 days a week, and I was named after St. Christopher wearing his medal for protection for most of my younger years.”

So needless to say, I was a Catholic of the Catholics, I was very religious even considering joining the priesthood for a while. That is until I grew tired of trying to be good. Being religious is exhausting because you never know when enough is enough?

1962 for Roman Catholicism was a very significant year. Vatican 2 made a bold move to try to contemporize the Roman Catholic Church and my family was caught in the middle of this cataclysmic change. My grandparents came from the more repressive, strict era of Vatican 1 Catholicism where fasting, Latin Mass, unquestioned respect for the patriarchal priesthood and the daily practice of saying the rosary was tantamount to faithful Catholic duty. My parents were of a younger generation where faith and freedom were taught. So they sent us to a Local Roman Catholic Church with an attached parochial school that embraced the new Vatican 2 changes.

No longer was strictness and stoic duty respected, but liberal progressive nuns with guitars desiring mystical experiences and public service were all the rage. While my German grandfather insisted that the Roman Catholic church was the only road to gaining access to the Father, my forward thinking school taught the importance of learning from other religions and how they too could know God by embracing the light they had. This new Vatican 2 teaching even had some members in my church embrace non-Catholic teachings of reincarnation and karma. One lady who often came over to our house believed she was Cleopatra in her past life.

So with Vatican 2’s radical changes came major questions for me and my parents: What was necessary to really know God? How did a person find acceptance before God? And what did I need to do to do the work that God required?

This question is not as easy as it sounds because I was getting differing opinions from everyone I loved and respected. That is the thing, just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are right. (See Romans 10:1-4 above!) My grandfather was convinced pleasing God was all about praying the rosary and participating in the Eucharist. My grandmother thought accepting people of different color, she was a foster mom to a black child, and giving to the poor was what God desired. My nuns didn’t really know, all they wanted was for their students to shut up and listen. My priest said “True religion is thinking about what you are thinking about what you are thinking about.” My mom and dad were convinced all God wanted was simple faith in Jesus.

You see, religion can be confusing because the path to salvation often depends on who you ask.

Were the other religions right? And if they are don’t Buddhists believe there is no god? And don’t faithful Hindus believe in 330 million gods where some have eight arms and faces like elephants? What about the faith of Muslims, is dying in a Holy War enough? What if that Holy War is waged against American troops? And can praying to the saints really help save you? How about Mary, does she really have more pull than Jesus? Who is right?

I didn’t know. I really didn’t. So in my confusion and desire to be accepted by heaven, I began to experiment with an assortment of “good works” to achieve God’s favor. Sometimes I fasted on Friday and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I got ashes on my forehead for Lent and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I prayed to Mary and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I went to mass, and sometimes I didn’t. I was confused, frustrated, and tired of playing religious games and jumping through all the hoops. So one night I quit. 

I will never forget that night: My sister Stephanie and I went to a college-age Bible study at the local Roman Catholic Church in a wealthy Chicago suburb. The study for the night was “Does Hell exist?” Our priest was young and cool, everybody loved him. And through the course of the study, he let the students argue the question at hand. Some students said that since God is love he can’t send anyone to Hell. My sister and I said it had to exist because Jesus talked about it, “If your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.”

So we looked at the cool, kind, compassionate priest and asked, “Who is right?” He scratched his head, leaned back in his chair, folded his arms and smiled. Here is what he said, “Don’t worry about it. Hell is not that big of a deal.” Let his answer sink in a bit…don’t rush ahead, just stop on that. How could Hell not be a big deal?

Being punished perpetually in eternal torment is kind of a big deal to me! 

So instead of being churchy, and going to a place that dealt with life or death in a jovial manner, I decided this was no place for me. I quit. Why run the rat race when the people telling you to run don’t know where the rats are even running to? So I got off.

I began to study Roman Catholicism’s history. Have you ever studied the history of the popes? I never did before, but when I did I felt hoodwinked. Have you ever learned about St. Christopher? I never did before, but when I did I felt like a fool. Have you ever wondered what “Transubstantiation” meant? The teaching that bread is actually Jesus’ flesh and that wine is actually His blood – – you just can’t see it. I felt lied to again, and again and again. So instead of being transfixed by the gleam of religion’s gold, I started to question the dark scary shadows that no one wanted to talk about which included ignorance, doubts and fears….yes, fears… I needed answers to quiet those fears and I found none in mindless glittering religion.

There is a tendency today among the younger ranks of evangelicals to give those who are raised in more traditional religious homes, especially Roman Catholicism, a wink and a nod of genuine fellowship considering them as true members of Christ and his church. We are more than willing these days to exchange tolerance for truth. Extending kindness and acceptance to those whose teachings and traditions we don’t really know nor understand. We don’t want to offend, so we give the benefit of the doubt even campaigning for the genuineness of another’s faith – – even if we have no idea of what really goes on behind the glitter of the other faith’s gold.

But there is a real true truth. And each person is responsible for that truth. Do you know it and do you even care about it? Because if there is even a 10% chance Hell is real, don’t you want to know how to avoid it? I did, so I went on a major two-year search which led me to Part 3: The Man!

Stay tuned. . .