Public School is a strange world, a “dystopian fantasy-land” to some, or for others it is a localized social laboratory for experimenting on human rats. I believe looking closely at the cafeteria is a great way we can also study the world in microcosm. Similar patterns of behaviors that take place in the town square also take place on a smaller scale for 50 minutes in your local High School cafeteria. Lord of the Flies vividly plays out each and every day from the time you drop Johnny and Jane off until you pick them up with their backpacks in tow.

The Opinion Makers:

In the middle of the cafeteria, there it sits; The “Popular Table.” This is command central for all of the day’s news, gossip, and rulings on what behavior is or is not considered “acceptable.” Right in the middle of the table are circled the opinion makers with the core being the “Laughing Girls” with their cadre of admirers. The laughing girls laugh because the world revolves around them and for them. Usually, this powerful group of girls have been blessed with good looks, acerbic wit, superior athleticism or are from one of “the” power families. This group of girls attracts the male admirers like flies: the jocks who pose, the comedians who laugh and mock others, and of course the ever-present groupies. Groupies don’t say much, they simply watch, smile and agree. But groupies are important to the laughing girls because they lend credibility and momentum to the populist’s cause. Momentum equals mass plus acceleration… and the opinion makers got it!

“Wasn’t that new slasher movie great?” asks the main laughing girl with a commanding smirk. “Yes, of course,” says her admiring friends sitting to the left and right. “Whatever…I’d rather watch the new installment of ‘Fast and Furious”, the cars in those shows are lit!” says the rock-head jock. Men are there for brawn and physical presence not for their logical reasoning powers.

The opinion makers rule the school, and everyone knows it and feels it.

The Content

There is a group that doesn’t care, they just want to be left alone to live their own life. This group is full of people who have lives and families that are vibrant and alive, outside the life of the school. Many of the Content are biding their time for four years, they want to get it over with, and then they can really start living.  The Content enjoys the camaraderie of sports, go on vacation with family, are involved in church, have jobs, love to fish, hunt, hobby, or simply like being alone.

The Content makes up the majority, but they are silent on the happenings and opinions at school because they don’t find their significance in High School life. The Content, also, have no need to set the school’s agenda so they let the popular people have their popularity. They let the Popular win during spirit week, decorate lockers and loudly talk to the cool teachers in the hallway. Sometimes the Content feel left out, or considered uncool – – but once they get picked up after school by their parents, they are able to disconnect and breath real air again.

The Coy

This group is comprised of a hodgepodge of the intelligent, creative and occupied. Often it is split down the middle between the truly smart and talented, and the naively compassionate and theatrical. Let me explain. Coy means “shy” or not needing the attention. They don’t want attention for the sheer fact they are consumed in their own world. The popular group doesn’t mean much to them because the Coy have enough support from their own strange subculture of friends and teachers.

• You have the Coy “Nerds” who have always felt awkward outside their small circle of friends — this happens for two reasons. It is hard for them to be false, they tell the truth about who they are and what they like or feel, and they know it won’t be accepted by the majority of the opinion makers. “Did you see the last Star Wars Tommy?” says Tim the geek. Overhearing the conversation, the popular table laughs and scoffs, “Nerds!!!”

• You have the Coy “Band” players. They are busy most of the year marching, performing recitals, having bake sales and discussing the next weekend competition  – – so they simply don’t have enough emotional capital to expend on worrying about the popular and their opinions.

• You have the Coy “Artists and Theatre Majors”. They think different. They often are very prone to caring for the marginalized and exploring the progressive trends that come with the artistic territory. Emotion fuels them, so if they are asked to do a play that features a gender challenged main character, they won’t ask questions, they will embrace the pain and angst of the part. Performance takes priority over everything.

The Coy often fade to the background of regular school life, except for that brief shining moment on stage, marching under the lights, or performing at the school’s Talent Show.

The Critics

This group cares tremendously, but they spend all of their time trying to prove how they don’t. In my day this group was known as the Punk group, more recently they are called the Goth, the Emo’s, the Grunge, the Outsiders. This group likes using mental intimidation on the other groups, and usually they are full of smart, snarky, provocateurs – – often deep down they are broken kids. They strongly dislike the Popular table. They laugh at the Coy, and they ignore the Content. They want to be noticed, so they dress like they don’t belong. They do this to prove their point: When you dress weird, people will think you’re weird, they will treat you as weird, and then that gives the Critic the right to take offense for being treated as weird. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy!

This group is purposely contrary to the opinions of the popular. They see the falseness of the laughing girls, the denseness of the jocks, the slavishness of the groupies, and they disdain the bored uncaring content. And so the Critics go on the attack, all the while feeling superior and justified stewing in their hatred.

If you think back, you occupied one of these four tables. Do you remember which group you were in?

The Cafeteria Enlarged

You may think graduation with a diploma in hand stopped all of this territorial, clannish nonsense…but it didn’t, it only clothed itself in adult attire. If you look closely at the stories online, or the reporters on cable news, or even listen to the banter in the lunchroom at work people still affiliate with the group they always have.

The Popular table is obvious, they still are the opinion makers. Some people call them the big 3: Mainstream Media, Hollywood and the New York Times. They set the pace just like the laughing girls did. They determine who and what is cool, they have been blessed with looks, talent, and of course “money!” And they have their unthinking, fawning followers. If you don’t think the way they want you to think they have no problem laughing at you, looking down, enlist comedians who mock and belittle. This group also feels justified in using filth, vulgar comments and degrading anger because they believe they are “right.” Remember, like High School, laughing girls are never wrong.

The Content are everyday normal families trying to survive. They pay taxes, raise kids in middle class public and private or home schools, go to church, they want to do their job and be left alone. The problem is this, when they don’t speak up the popular table has no problem taking over society’s narrative and make it seem like they are the majority. The Popular are not the majority, they just are the loudmouths who think everyone is still fawning.

I will give you one example: Cool Teachers and Uncool Teachers.  In my High School, there were the cool young teachers that would often come and visit in the cafeteria. Right away the Popular table would call them over and gush over them. Cool teachers knew the trendy new songs, they laughed at the dumb jock’s jokes, they were cool. The Uncool teachers just taught. The Content and the Coy understood this, but not so the Popular (The Critic still criticized). The uncool didn’t stop by the table, and they rarely graded on a curve. If you flunked the test the uncool teacher rarely budged…not so the cool teacher, just go up and talk to them and they will let you take it over. The Popular table loved them and always picked them as advisors for the class, and had them sign their yearbook. The Uncool teacher walked to his car alone each night just trying to teach.

You tell me: Barack Obama, cool or uncool? Catch my drift? And Donald is definitely uncool in the eyes of the Popular!

The adult Coy are still split: Most of the nerds are running businesses, becoming governors of Michigan, dreaming of new iphone apps to make a million. Nerds rule the world. But you have the other side of the Coy table that are quick to pick up the progressive schtick. They don’t know it, but they play right into the Popular group’s hands. Just like High School, they weep at the drama of the marginalized…but they often do this while their feet have taken flight off the ground of the real world. Remember, for the Popular, momentum is everything, and the more mass they accumulate, the more power they have.

The Critic table is still alive and well, they still like to act like they don’t care when they really do. They still are the same group that likes intimidating the other groups, and usually, they are full of smart, snarky, provocateurs – – now, deep down they often are bitter adults. They are the ones who get on social media for the purpose of being above the rest of the schleps who argue and take sides. They don’t take sides, they just provoke (which is a side). Remember, they like to act like they don’t care while caring tremendously. And they love it when you get mad at them so they can get mad that you are mad at them.

So you see, the cafeteria hasn’t changed. It has only been enlarged. Which table are you on?

Just one Content Coy Critic’s opinion!!