Daniel Boone was a man
Yes, a big man
With an eye like an eagle
And as tall as a mountain was he

From the coonskin cap on the top of ol’ Dan
To the heel of his rawhide shoe
The rippin’-est, roarin’-est, fightin’-est man
The frontier ever knew

Daniel Boone was brave. His best friend, Mingo the Indian, was brave. They could fight bad Indians off and throw tomahawks.

I wanted to be brave too: I had my dad buy me a tomahawk so I could learn how to be brave. My mom even bought me a tomahawk necklace from the Avon catalog so I could wear it around my neck as a constant reminder to be brave.

Being brave to me meant “being a man,” “being true to your word,” “challenging the bad guy even if he was bigger than you.” I remember being down at the nearby creek with my neighbor looking for skipping stones, and out of the bushes came a slithering black snake. I had to be brave, so I smashed the snake with a heavy rock.

A few years later I got a role in our school’s play where I had to sing, “Oh My Darling Clementine” to the prettiest girl in class. It was to be performed in front of the whole school and my parents. I didn’t want to do it, so my mom told me to be brave. I swallowed hard, and I sang. Even Sister Joan of Ark, our stoic big-biceped nun, was surprised I had the courage to carry through.

Fast forward 20 years later, my wife and I were asked to teach the Bible to Russian school teachers in the formerly communist, anti-God, Soviet Union. After much hesitation, prayer and anxiety, we finally agreed. I will never forget having to walk past two machine-gun toting guards at the Moscow airport wondering what I got my wife and myself into? Did I have what it takes to live in a foreign city for a whole year just being newly married? I was scared to death, especially after seeing one of our apartment neighbors stumbling home singing Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” while carrying a bottle of vodka in hand. 

I had to be brave. I needed to show my wife ‘no fear.’ God gave us grace, and we survived.

I think after all these years, I am beginning to learn how to be brave after all. Even though I lost my tomahawk necklace, I think I am beginning to get it. As Mingo would say it, “Me, Brave!”

But then I read an article last Thursday that changed everything. It was about a “BRAVE” woman named Sarah E. Canney, a “defeater of bulimia” and long-distance runner, posted an Instagram photo of a pair of folded jeans. The article talked about her unspoken goal of wanting “to fit back into the jeans after losing the baby weight from her second child. Canney eventually fit into them, but they were tight and uncomfortable.” 

She said, “Wearing the jeans brought up that negative voice in her head.I wore these ill-fitting jeans most of last year and every time I wore them insecurities and ultimatums, realizing You’re still bigger than you were after you had Jack.’”

But bravely, she,  “Took those jeans off and asked herself, ‘Sarah, what are you trying to prove?’” Finally, she got rid of them, writing in her post, “How many of us keep old clothes because we’ve affixed a value to size on the label? We ‘measure’ ourselves in so many ways. If our approach to ourselves is gracious, forgiving and kind, then our lives will be filled with grace, forgiveness and kindness…If you want to change the way you feel about your body or the food you eat or the clothes you wear, you have to rewrite the story you tell yourself. The best way to do that is to change the harsh, critical things we say to ourselves into positive affirmations.”

This is the new picture of bravery. And I have learned something through her story — bravery must now include “forgiving yourself, showing grace to yourself, and most of all, being kind to your poor, weak, ego.” I am beginning to rethink this bravery thing.

Then I remembered a story I read about last month about a Canadian man who was married with seven kids and has left his family in order to fulfill his true identity — as a six-year-old girl. Stefonknee (pronounced ‘Stef-on-knee’) Wolscht, 52, of Toronto, says he/she realized she was transgender – rather than simply a cross-dresser – at age 46, and split from his / her wife, Maria, after she told her husband to “stop being trans or leave”.

He “BRAVELY” made the decision by saying, “’I can’t deny I was married. I can’t deny I have children,’ she says in the video. ‘But I’ve moved forward now and I’ve gone back to being a child. I don’t want to be an adult right now.” 

So the definition of bravery is ever expanding for me, now it includes, “being willing to move forward in your life, even if you must ditch previous commitments, like your wife and family, because you don’t want to be an adult.” 

Oh yeah, there is one more shining example of the new bravery: Elizabeth Gilbert. She is the best selling author and motivational speaker who is famous for her 2006 memoir “Eat, Love, Pray.” Included with her writings, she is known to travel with Oprah Winfrey and her entourage, which includes the creative speaker/pastor, Rob Bell, inspiring hundreds-of-thousands of people on how to live a more fulfilled life. 

Elizabeth was first married to Michael Cooper, whom she met while working at the Coyote Ugly Saloon, but after being married a few years she realized, she needed courage to leave her marriage to travel, “Until I can feel as ecstatic about having a baby as I felt about going to New Zealand to search for a giant squid, I cannot have a baby.” Now that is Brave.

So she bravely traveled the world: eating in Italy, praying in India, and having sex in Bali where she finally found the love her life. She married Jose Nunez in 2007. But Elizabeth decided to divorce him too because she found a new female partner, Rayya Elias.  Even though Jose was “a great souvenir of her adventures and her source of finding inner-peace in Bali”, Gilbert says Rayya is her true new love. She became not just a friend but her life partner. Fashion magazines all over the country have fallen head over heels with her new choice of partner. Elizabeth’s choice has reached the new pinnacle of bravery – – leaving men for lesbian love. 

In her own words, she writes, “Here’s what it comes down to for me; I need to live my life in truth and transparency, even more than I need privacy, or good publicity, or prudence, or other people’s approval or understanding, or just about anything else. 
Truth and transparency not only make my life more ethical but also easier… Here is what I will ask for: Because I believe in love, I will ask for love.” Now that is Brave.

So to sum up my new understanding of bravery, I realize three things:

1. Daniel Boone’s definition of bravery is too primitive, simple, and feeds the outdated Biblical concept of commitment, loyalty and fidelity. Society has moved on, and the new and improved concept of bravery calls for something more nuanced, self-defining, and narcissistic. In the same way, our new modern day heroes should reflect these ideals — like Richard Simmons, Caitlyn Jenner and Boy George.
2. Bravery use to make people “keep a promise even if it hurt” (Psalm 15:4) – but now, bravery says “keep a promise only as long as you feel like it.”
3. Bravery isn’t about facing foes, challenging enemies, fighting your fears that exist outside of myself; bravery is now about being real to my authentic self (whatever that means). I must never say “no” to myself, I must not give in to the harsh boundaries set by my moral convictions, and I must be me, even if the me of today is different than the me of tomorrow. Now that is true bravery.

I need to face the sad truth now…I will never be brave.